Please wait for her return.

I’ve decided to set my heart (& ass) down to do this entry.

In no order of importance ah. RANDOM.

Shurun & Junling
Thank you for making my every birthday (as of later years) memorable ones, for spending the night before with me counting down and making it all more special than ever. We’ve come a long way together and I’m really really sorry this year I’m not gonna be around for your 21st, but yknow I’m celebrating for you from far! ;D I’m so glad to have met you girls in nanhua, and to have you two around me (literally) in class for 2 whole years. It made Math/Science lessons a lot more bearable, truly. I love love love you two, like no words could ever show. For being my support through all the shitty times and also sharing happy moments together. <3 ttm.

Jess
Stop sighing ah. STOP AH. I wanna give you a big hug, for always cheering me up online with your funny ways and also for listening to all my nonsense ramblings at night when I get emo/upset/angry. Everytime I think of kim gary’s, I think of you. And now, everytime I think of swimming/lazing, I will think of you too. Hehe. I’m glad you decided to go to Perth to further your studies, albeit missing you. And I’m glad I finally decided to go too (see, follow you!) and I’m sure we’ll come back the same, if not better (: You chin up UP UP UP and stop sighing, else I’ll slaughter you when I visit you in Perth ;D Love.

Addie
You ah, nothing to say. Force me go for canoe training in year1. NOTHING TO SAY. Hahaha thank you lah hor. Think over the years we’ve grown closer, and I’m thankful to have found a good friend in you, constantly helping me out in various ways and also being so random and funny always that I’ve no choice but to laugh, AT YOU ;D I hope you stay happy with liangliang (HAHAHAH IN HIS FACE) and things work out the way they should, cos you deserve the best and more (: Here’s a big big hug for my berry goot frend ;D lovelove.

FF;spensy
I think of you, I think of my diary-x. Emo like shitz. But I think of you, and I think of food, food food too. I can’t believe still, by a stroke of fate we got to know each other through english supplementary lessons (out of 10, we probably attended 2 and were late for the both) HAHA. We’ve drifted quite a little last year.. And london part2 seems like a faraway dream now (but it’ll happen!) but I’m glad to have known you and that you’ll always ad forever be my fuckerish fucker, cos we’re both fucked up by eating so so so much. You saw me through my darkest periods and helped me to see that the world still goes on despite lies and heartbreaks. There’s so much more (like, food) to life than just love. I know now, and I hope for you to be happy too (with Rapunzel still?!) LOVE lah, my ff. I still can’t believe you insisted a formal intro -.-

Laupy
I don’t know if you’re randomly reading this but I hope you are. It was a short conv last night, but I’m glad we talked. I’m glad you told me how you feel and I really hope that one day, you’ll find someone who can make you happy again. YOU WILL, so don’t say demeaning stuff bout yourself again. We all love you, and you’ve been so strong so far (though you need to let your hair down sometimes and just cry if you feel like it k?), we’re all so proud of you. I am, and I’m sure I’m speaking for the rest too. I’ll always rmbr Earshot and our crepes (tgd w pearl!) and really, thank God you were in TRM with me ;D I love you girl, forever and ever.

Qixin
We sure have grown a lot closer this year (: Remember, you deserve a guy who can make you happy without having you feeling upset or having qualms about yourself. I wanna see fewer sad posts on tumblr and more happy ones on blogspot. REMEMBER THAT, I’m always stalking you ^^ Be a happy girl, and although you cursed my visa to fail (which didnt, fortunately/unfortunately?), I STILL LOVE YOU. I’m glad you’ll miss me THAT much hehehe. I’m so gonna miss bitching with you, sitting around drinking coffee, going for buffets and having YOU not finish all that you’ve ordered and I’ve to stuff my face with the food. I’ll come back, and I’ll definitely come back and own you in pool ;D Love you babe! KISS.

The Sprinters, in general, from Alumnis to Juniors
I love each and everyone of you, for being part of np sprint team. I love each and every trainings I’ve had with y’all, I’ve grown to love canoeing more than I expected to, and I’ve made so many friends in so many of y’all. Thank you for the mutual support through the 3 yrs, through all the sprints and marathons and team conflicts. You guys will always be a part of me and my life, and I hope you guys will say the same to me ^^ so shameless hahahaha Love y’all, paddle hard and have fun! (: I’ll be missing all of y’all, including the boats.. shed.. dirty kallang water.. capsizing ): .. sdba.. every single bit that reminds me of NACC (:

The Netball Girls (Including the guys lah hor HAHA)
A LOT OF PEOPLE LOR so I generalize lah hor, don’t mind right ;D Thank you for all the street netball you guys have taught me in sec school, and I’m glad we’re still meeting up, hanging out from time to time, though I sometimes MIA, you guys still take me back, and take me for who I am. I guess a lot of shit has happened between all of us, nevertheless, I still love each and everyone of you. You guys made me realize the strength and fragility of friendship and what truly counts is not the amount of time spent together, but the effort made to spend any time at all together. Thank you for all these beautiful years. More to come, I’m sure (: LOVE LOVE LOVE

June, my bnj <3er
Half a year has passed! Damn fast right. Seems like just yesterday that I started my first day at bnj with you (: I’m glad we are more than just colleagues and friends at work and I’m really really really very glad I made a friend in you. Please don’t look down on urself anymore or I’ll personally strangle you when I get back. You are awesome the way you are (don’t believe can ask niko, I’m sure she’ll support me!HUR) so don’t worry bout <3, cos if this someone doesn’t appreciate you, others will. It’ll take time, but that day will come and you will be happy and ALL OF US will be happy together with you (: Stay strong, my love. And OK MY ADDRESS. REALLY SOON I KEEP FORGETTING SORRY ): <3ttm

The BNJ cathay Scoopies!
You girls (plus jianwei and dylan) are the most awesome people ever! Ive had so much fun working with each and every one of you during my time there, and I know I initially frightened y’all with my appetite (but thanks for accepting it! HAHA). All the funny, angry, kanchiong moments at the store, I will keep close to my heart for life. Maybe when I come back for hols I can go scoop again! I know a lot of people left, and more are leaving, but……. Cathay BNJ, FTW! (To hell with stores who think we’re bitchy, WE KNOW WE ARE!) WOOHOO <3

Lausanne
You must be surprised to see your name here. NO LA where got surprised lor, I see my name on yours many times liaozxzx ^^ you and me, forever HK cafe and starbucks one. Im HAPPY for you now, that you’re with XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (kinda?) and your life’s rid of ________ now! Triple yay to giant monsters? HAHA. You deserve so so so much better and I hope you’ve found those better bits in XXXXXXXX. Let me know how it goes, and I’ll see you when I come back for hols (: STUDY HARD AH YOU, don’t whole day work and play already. Hehehe <3 you lau!

Jiun and Fio
HELLO BABES. I’m so sorry we won’t get to meet up before I fly ): But yknow I still love you both, right? ;D I think we emo enough together on msn and stuff, so I’ll just say happy things here to declare my love <3 Thank you for being so encouraging through the tough periods, and I hope I’ve helped you both too, in a way or another. I know it’s kinda weird that we started talking, considering im your junior and not in polo, but still…… BABES UNITE! (: Love you both so, BE HAPPY and be loved (by me also can;D)

To my LEEJK  leng zai (or so he claims), sor zai, hat yang zhang, fei zai, HANNAH, lei ho tuk yi lah ;D
Ngor ho ngoi lei, lei ji dou right? (: I think I’ve told you everything I wanted to every other day already. Just wanna thank you for being such a sweet boyfriend, for really really pampering me like a princess AWW, for always feeding me nonstop and eating w me ^^ (that’s for the 2 steamboat buffets in a 4 days), for always surprising me (like your animal farm, milkpan, goggles etc), for accompanying me while I had my wisdom teeth extracted, for feeding me bits of food when I can’t chew, for making soup for me, for sending me home every single time, for teaching me how to improve in pool HAHAHA, for just making me so happy (: I know it’s gonna be tough, and I know we’ve both talked about it, but I still just want you to know, don’t worry, you’re my only *winks and inserts relevant song title* I love you very very much and every bite is a love bite cos I love you (your corny line HAHA). You’ve brightened up my days cos you always make me laugh silly, with your actions and jokes (that you laugh at) and…… just you lah. You’re so mad funny and Im so madly in love with you. Okay shall stop being so mushy. Love you my diverboy, and see you… tmrw ;D

OKAY i hope i havent missed anyone out cos i’m in a hurry to go out for supper. But the list will continue! (:

Love y’all <3
DEEEEEEEP.

my jojo came back to give me a hug <3

green alert!

i love you, though you dont know know where to alight to get to bugis HAHA

Tonight, you told me you put the stars in the sky just to make me smile.
I looked up, and I smiled.

________________________

Hate blogging once every few days cos I get my sequence of events all messed up!

RANDOM.

Went party shopping with June at Bugis.
Met jk before that cos he chao geng from army hahaha.
Worked.
Met Addie to swim/eat/go her house EAT again/sleep.
So sweet lor, she bought me glutinous rice and egg tarts for breakfast <3
Met joanna for dinner – PHO!!!/coldrock/provenence at Holland V!
Met qx and ew for pool at century.
Azhar for supper.

____________________

he: so where you gg later?
me: bugis lor.
he: oh, how you going?
me: mrt lor.
he: huh, alight where?
me: ???????????????

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

jo: meet where?
me: kopibean lor.

2 hrs later..

me: later meet alr eat what!!!
jo: i thought you say the kopi smth?? so fast forget already ah
me: WE MEETING AT KOPIBEAN = COFFEEBEAN, not to eat!
jo: OMG HAHAHA

_________________

I’ve always thought I’m never going to find someone I will feel comfortable with again. I’m never going to be able to just call and text at my whim, and I’m never going to have someone to hold me when I want to cry, and not say a single word but just hold me cos that’s all I really need.
I found you when I least expected it.
It was a whirlwind, a breathtaking trip made, and it happened.
I’m glad it did, though I had my insecurities initially. I’m sure you did too.
It sure is gonna be hard, but with everything said, I will remember all your words. Remember that I’m never miles away in your heart. You may not be able to seek warmth from my hugs, or comfort from my presence, but always seek faith and love from where you’ve kept me – in your heart.
People can watch and laugh, and judge – for all I care.
But friends, they know best what we need and have.
Cos I know I’m your only bbmt (#@*($&#*) and you, my qadgt (:

I know everything’s gonna be okay if I remain positive, and so I will (:

_________________

I think I’ve made many wrong moves in my life, but all of which make me the person I am today, like it or not.
I’m just very thankful I have very supportive friends over the many years.
So many names but.. y’all know who you are (:

I’m too young to say I feel jaded bout life but I have felt that way before and gone through very dark periods when I thought nothing’s ever gonna work out in my favor, ever.
But instead of wallowing, all you have to do is really pick yourself up and fight for what you want, what you deem is best for yourself. People can give you comments, criticize, tell you what’s right and not, but eventually, only you know best.
Following your heart is an overused cliche.
Follow your mind as well, it usually makes more sense that way.

To all the people who’ve hurt me in a way or another, thank you for making me a stronger person today.
To those whom I’ve hurt (accidentally, i hope), I’m sorry and I hope you forgive me ):
To those who’ve stayed over the years and those who are joining this group or recently have, thank you for the love and faith and trust and hope you’ve given me.

To everyone else out there,
y’all deserve to smile everyday
(:

g’night, world <3

bnj cathay kicks ass!

orange kakis!

rowrowrow!

happy birthday, babe! <3

my emo kbox friendzzzz

&, happy monthsary (:

Caught spynextdoor with cclia before work today! Chilled and talked for a long time at starbucks. Am so gonna miss the bnj girls ):
Swam with addie and chilled at her place after ytd (:
Cough’s clearing up! (:
Finally can see him tmrw! (:

okay i really wanted to blog about something but i can’t rmbr what now.
SIAN.

AND,
qf is STILL smelly HAHAHA
I always laugh when I think of how SMALL EYE FUCK tsked us so loudly at the pontoon. I FEEL LIKE JUST CAPSIZING HER LOR PLEASE.

OKAY
really can’t recall what i wanted to blog about ):

1. Happy birthday leehuijiun! <3
2. Happy anniv leejunkang! <3

ALL THE LEEs.
HAHAHAHHA

G’night world!

& my hot hot hot partner! ;D

Had my last canoe race/marathon today.
Did 14km novice k2 womens with joanna and we both agreed we had fun through all the shit, i.e. capsize first round hahahaha.
NP did quite well! Quite a few medals collected to day :D Happy for the team and juniors! (:

Saw many faces today, so happy too! Sat around with collin and jeremy after our race to laugh at people and talk a little and they got 7th! yay hehehehe. Saw lexyy, js, smelly qifang, marcus etc too! Hahahaha <3

After that was random IMM-ing with the dudes. Eat eat and eat somemore. Cannot take it HAHAHA fat already lahzx.

______________

I have NEVER turned anyone against you, so please stfu and blame yourself if you realize you have not many friends. Why don’t you rmbr all the good things that I’ve done for you then? Oh wait, you probably don’t even remember any.
But hey, whatever,.. you have weird friends. Screwed up ones, really.
Hehehe.

CHEERS!

______________

Ah yes, I’m happy now.
Although I’m still going away, I’m still relatively happy.
27 more days.

Met up with junling one night for awesome dinner and durians and slacking in my room <3
Chanced upon shu and cindy having lunch at cartel when I was gg to the bank for bnj and we caught up a bit too! <3

Chelsea Sunderland 7-2, unbelievable.
Sorry, random.

I’m still coughing like mad and it’s worse than before.

Okay now 27 days seem a whole lot closer suddenly.

Really sucks.

AND 3 cheers to awesome friends I have <3<3<3
You guys know who you are! (:

colorful jumps

my lover girl

lei hai ngor sor zai

___________

Last week’s been pretty eventful, in a mild manner.

I worked, as usual.
I met up with addie and xj for dinner after their sentosa outing.
I met up with jess qx pl for pool/lunch/swim.
I met up with jess qx xj pl for sentosa on fri.
Drinking outside/inside zouk with jk wm kristen fenglin and eric.
Danced the night away <3
Saw jiun, matt, alfred and kt (:
Pooled with jk and marcus again today.
Jap at safra before chilling at wcplaza kopibean w zh till late.

I need more time to meet more people.
I’m so lazy to do anything bout my 21st.
I don’t know how to create fb event and im too lazy to sms everybody.
I’m scared nobody will turn up.
I don’t want a birthday cake and presents.
I want a hug from everyone who turns up.
I like talking to jess.
Hugs to addie, you’ll pull through. I’m giving you all my best wishes and luck, so fret not.
<3

I’m happy and I’m sad.
Does this make any sense?
I know it’s only 2 yrs and I know it’s annoying how I keep saying I’m upset bout leaving when I made the choice to do so in the first place. I know I need to go, cos if I don’t, I’m going to look back 10 yrs down the road and hate myself for staying. But now that it’s drawing so close, I can’t help but feel sad and insecure about everything. I’m not going to be able to afford tickets back to spore every single holiday. In fact, twice a year seems remotely impossible. Things surely will change, but I’m being positive they will be for the better.
I’m sure the people who love me now and have stuck by me for so long will continue to do so even when I leave, and even more so,.. when I come back.

&, I want to sit with you anywhere just doing nothing and enjoying the silence.
&, I want you to keep teasing me about eating more than a footlong for lunch.
&, I want you to apply antiseptic for me whenever I fall.
&, I want you to keep being smelly so only I like ;D

Love to the world.
Stay happy, y’all!
<3

I just wish I knew what to do.

I know I should be walking away instead of hanging on, but I can’t. I know the choice is obvious but I just can’t. How can I let a trivial matter ruin everything we had? I still trust you, albeit in a different manner. I still wanna be friends with you, albeit I feel paranoid. I still want to have everything we had despite all the awkwardness.

But sometimes I feel neglected by you too. I feel like after standing up for you, you don’t really care or appreciate. I feel like after defending you, I end up speechless on my side. I’m tired too. Friendships are supposed to be steady, yes with throttles now and then, but relatively smooth still. They are supposed to be the pillars of strength, not the reason for sadness and confusion.

A friend who shall not be named said this to me tonight,

Sometimes in life we gotta make a choice. Who to keep and who not to keep. Instead of keeping everyone, why not just keep the ones who are genuine and give them your best.

How true is this?

I wish I can protect you for life, but I can’t. I wish I could say for sure, for you, I’d give up the rest. But I truly can’t.
If I have to make a choice tonight..

No, I still can’t make any choices. I don’t want to.

Please wake up, you need to wake up before you lose everything and I don’t want you to.

Friendships are that fragile, aren’t they? With a single incident, everything can change. With the accumulation of many small incidents, everything can change too.

I just wish we were all made of much stronger stuff so we can withstand anything and everything that comes our way.

________________

On another note, separate one entirely,

I’m so anxious/nervous/excited.
I’m gg to meet _______ tmrw and and and, I don’t know!
Haww haww haww.

forget it.
i need a good cry,
and a break from everything.

Yes, I’m in a new relationship.
For those who are happy for me, thank you! (I know who you are, winkwink*)
For those who arent,.. I’m sorry.

Let’s move on!

1. Jess and I went swimming tday (SWIMMING, HAHAHAHA) AND XJ JUST TOLD ME SHE WAS THERE BUT WE DINT SEE HER AT ALL OMG OMG
2. Lunch at my awesome halfchicken with rice kopishop with pei pei and qx!
3. Pool at wcrc with the two girls aftr jess left.
4. CCK for dinner with family (:

5. HOME AND SICK, wtf.

6. So dont wanna do opening tomorrow SIANZX.

7. I’m scared, I really am, mixed feelings.

8. It’s 1030pm and I feel like sleeping for once. Damn this fever.

9. June Tay, I’m missing you <3

10. Off to watch CSI now.

Bye people,

and_l_ to all you judgemental fools!

my favorite scandal

 

some of my very awesome girls (:

 & my start to a beautiful 2010.

__________________

I apologize for the lack of updates (as compared to the past).

In the past week, I’ve met up with people.
I feel happy.
I am happy.
Havent been so in quite a long while.
I wanna keep being happy (:

“Therapeutic” would be the best word to describe meeting up with the girls.
Heart to heart/manicure/shopping with jess ho.
NYE was relatively mild. Counted down at wcp with jk and some polo people playing drinking games and watching the ships fire the flares.

Ytd was the most random day. We did the randomest things like,
having lunch at clem,
gg to town with zh to change his stuff,
walking the whole of PS,
then deciding we needed to eat guo ties at chinatown,
and ended up having our dinner there as well,
then decided to take a weird bus to wala,
played 5/10 and lost like mad,
supper at azhar,
then home sweet home (:
For a planless/aimless day, we sure did a lot. Hahaha.
And met sherrie there! So random but she came up to me and talked, and that kinda surprised me!
Met yingqi and kiathow too.

Went to down to seletar this morning to paddle with joanna and it almost killed me.
But it was good fun all in all, and we went for lunch before heading our separate ways.
The heat of the sun got to me. Barely could take it after.

Had to give kel’s and ws’s 21st a miss ):

I quite like playing pool, I realize.
I just need to learn how to BREAK nicer-ly. hehehe

Actually I’m pretty wiped out now.
Desperately need sleep.

Just wanna wish everybody a happy 2010!
Esp to all my fav girls <3
And the sprinters, if theyre reading this (:

Lately, I’ve been unable to stop thinking bout leaving.
In less than 40 days, I’ll be gone.
BUT okay whatever, life’s life.
Suck it up!

<3 people!

This year, I didn’t text a single soul Merry Christmas, cos my starhub student plan has been downgraded to a stupid one with only 500 free smses. SO IM SORRY PEOPLE, yknow I still want to wish you! ;D

HERE GOES,
MERRY CHRISTMAS! <3

I had a great time up at Genting and for the first time up there, I did not venture to the outdoor theme park. In fact, all I did there was to sleep and eat and eat more then sleep. I refuse to check my weight out on the scale. Hahaha it’s gonna be a shock, but.. what’s new :\ It was freezing up there, at like 13 degs for the whole of 3 days. Only on the day of departure did the temp go up, to like 18! So unfair!! But standing out in the cold with fog and mist in your face must be the most awesome feeling (esp after 2 scoops of Baskin’ Robbins!). Just standing there, shivering, teeth chattering but so happy and filled with food..
AWW.

AND SO,
I’m gonna wake up a tad earlier to run tomorrow ;D Finally, RUNNING.
I swam 35 laps today and Im already aching like nobody’s business.
I so need to get back in shape :\

This is really random but I miss talking to Miss Sin Koonchin ):
If you’re reading this, I hope youre doing okay and have also carefully protected your heart from any more hurt. If he dares to hurt you, ever, again, I’ll fly over from Adelaide and personally kick his stinky ass.
Promise.

June, I know it’s rough but I’m dead sure youre gonna pull through and meet someone who’ll make you happier. Trust me xoxo.

I’m so thankful I have awesome friends, really. 
3 of which with special mentions for this entry,
Addie and Makmak and Jessho<3

And, the days are drawing closer to an end.
2010 is coming.
My 21st birthday chalet’s coming up in a month’s time (help???)
14days after which, I’ll be gone.

Suddenly I’m scared. Scared to go over, to start over, to be alone, really alone, to leave people behind here, to be forgotten, to be erased from people’s lives..
Please don’t forget me ): I’ll emo for life.

_________

Love’s a funny thing.
It comes when you least expect it.

We shall see (:

Trust, this whole world depends on this one word.
I trust you, my friend, just don’t let me down.

G’night, world,
sweet dreams (:

i will know (:

_________________

Some things just arent as simple as they seem.
Nothing ever is, and nothing can ever be, huh?

The person you trust the most may turn out to be the person who’ll feed others snide remarks behind your back.
The person you always assume to have been against you may just turn out to be otherwise.

For now,

I just trust myself. Simpler this way.

To all jerks in this world who have nothing better to do than to go around spreading malicious rumors,

fuck off and die.

SORRY, not jerkS.

YOU are perhaps the only one! tee hee