Boss not in today. Not much work to do. Bloghopped around..
& found out that blogging is a funny thing.
When I read my certain friends’ blogs, I find that I don’t really know them sometimes. Or rather, they just don’t tally in person with the way they blog, the things they blog about and all. Sometimes, I feel that some of them even try too hard to be someone else in this virtual world. (Maybe, they’re real in the virtual world and fake in the real one?) But I do admire one of them very much. Can’t mention names here cos all read my blog =\ I don’t know if I’m making any sense to those reading this, but whatever, I’m too bored at work to care.
This is gonna be a long or/& random entry. So be prepared.
Life’s a really long journey. Seems like years ago that I graduated from primary school. Ran into Lyd the other day on the bus and it kinda hit me that night, that I really do miss her and the primary school people very much. They’re a bunch of people that never failed to be there and even after moving on to secondary school, they always made efforts to meet up and catch up. Missed out on this year’s gathering at ang’s house during cny cos, yeah. Miss them, really do, the whole big family.
Yet it seems like just months ago I graduated from Nanhua. Did I mention my bro’s gf’s sis is from nh sec2? Hahaha during the trip, we were just talking about the school the rules the teachers and everything else. It was there that I met the friends who saw me through the best and worst and still are hanging around to keep me going. They are the ones who pull me up from ditches and give me random hugs knowing I need them most. They are the ones who saw me at my ugliest and still took me unconditionally as their friend. It is there, where I learnt friendships and forever do exist in the same sentence. It is there, where I finally dropped the fear of needing to pretend to be someone I am not. And, I actually had fun dancing for 4 years despite the initial HATRED. Dancing the NeWater dance in sec2 and finally Oei Oei Oei which made Gold w Honors. I rmbr people crying backstage before entrance, watching MGS perform and fearing for our own. I rmbr all of us giving all out on stage. I rmbr that sense of euphoric emotion at the finale. I rmbr the countless trgs after school, during hols, late nights and early mornings and 234230984 pushups just cos of our untidy hair. (:
Just got outta poly, so it’s too fresh to talk about the after-feelings. But as of now, I’m somehow dreading graduation.. I somehow feel that 3 years in NACC, I haven’t done much nor have I achieved anything. No medals, no achievements, no nothing. In fact sometimes I feel quite redundant. Feels like I’ve learnt more about people’s characteristics than anything bout tourism over this duration. But this is definitely where my first turning point in life lies. This is definitely where I changed the most, for the better or worse.
So, my next chapter in life..
Where will it take me, where will I end up at?
I’m scared to go when the time comes, how am I gonna drop everything here, how am I gonna survive there, how are things gonna work out..
But somehow, I’m going. I need to go. I love you, I love everyone here, but it’s good for me to go cos I know we’re all strong enough to make it through or figure something out. I’ll know in a few wks if I have to, anyways.
Over the years, I’ve thrown out too much, trusted too many too easily. I used to believe that’s really bad and stupid but now I figure that’s just who I am and I’m happy being that person. Throwing out too much? How much is much? Trusting too easily? To what extent is that easiness? It’s after all according to my own criteria, my own judgement, no?
I’m gonna be happy with you, I know I am. Let’s go, baby, let’s go.
I miss schooling. I hate to grow up. I hate being 20. I hate having to make decisions. I hate, really, having to really act like 20.
Sometimes, I think I just hate being a human being.
(and maybe being short too)
g’bye people. long enough entry to last you guys for..
10 mins (:
safe trip back, baby.
