Boss not in today. Not much work to do. Bloghopped around..
& found out that blogging is a funny thing.
When I read my certain friends’ blogs, I find that I don’t really know them sometimes. Or rather, they just don’t tally in person with the way they blog, the things they blog about and all. Sometimes, I feel that some of them even try too hard to be someone else in this virtual world. (Maybe, they’re real in the virtual world and fake in the real one?) But I do admire one of them very much. Can’t mention names here cos all read my blog =\ I don’t know if I’m making any sense to those reading this, but whatever, I’m too bored at work to care.
This is gonna be a long or/& random entry. So be prepared.
Life’s a really long journey. Seems like years ago that I graduated from primary school. Ran into Lyd the other day on the bus and it kinda hit me that night, that I really do miss her and the primary school people very much. They’re a bunch of people that never failed to be there and even after moving on to secondary school, they always made efforts to meet up and catch up. Missed out on this year’s gathering at ang’s house during cny cos, yeah. Miss them, really do, the whole big family.
Yet it seems like just months ago I graduated from Nanhua. Did I mention my bro’s gf’s sis is from nh sec2? Hahaha during the trip, we were just talking about the school the rules the teachers and everything else. It was there that I met the friends who saw me through the best and worst and still are hanging around to keep me going. They are the ones who pull me up from ditches and give me random hugs knowing I need them most. They are the ones who saw me at my ugliest and still took me unconditionally as their friend. It is there, where I learnt friendships and forever do exist in the same sentence. It is there, where I finally dropped the fear of needing to pretend to be someone I am not. And, I actually had fun dancing for 4 years despite the initial HATRED. Dancing the NeWater dance in sec2 and finally Oei Oei Oei which made Gold w Honors. I rmbr people crying backstage before entrance, watching MGS perform and fearing for our own. I rmbr all of us giving all out on stage. I rmbr that sense of euphoric emotion at the finale. I rmbr the countless trgs after school, during hols, late nights and early mornings and 234230984 pushups just cos of our untidy hair. (:
Just got outta poly, so it’s too fresh to talk about the after-feelings. But as of now, I’m somehow dreading graduation.. I somehow feel that 3 years in NACC, I haven’t done much nor have I achieved anything. No medals, no achievements, no nothing. In fact sometimes I feel quite redundant. Feels like I’ve learnt more about people’s characteristics than anything bout tourism over this duration. But this is definitely where my first turning point in life lies. This is definitely where I changed the most, for the better or worse.
So, my next chapter in life..
Where will it take me, where will I end up at?
I’m scared to go when the time comes, how am I gonna drop everything here, how am I gonna survive there, how are things gonna work out..
But somehow, I’m going. I need to go. I love you, I love everyone here, but it’s good for me to go cos I know we’re all strong enough to make it through or figure something out. I’ll know in a few wks if I have to, anyways.
Over the years, I’ve thrown out too much, trusted too many too easily. I used to believe that’s really bad and stupid but now I figure that’s just who I am and I’m happy being that person. Throwing out too much? How much is much? Trusting too easily? To what extent is that easiness? It’s after all according to my own criteria, my own judgement, no?
I’m gonna be happy with you, I know I am. Let’s go, baby, let’s go.
I miss schooling. I hate to grow up. I hate being 20. I hate having to make decisions. I hate, really, having to really act like 20.
Sometimes, I think I just hate being a human being.
(and maybe being short too)
g’bye people. long enough entry to last you guys for..
10 mins (:
safe trip back, baby.
spens said,
April 13, 2009 @ 8:38 pm
oi think so much for what write such a reflective entry for what
just seat back and enjoy mantous soaked in condensed milk la.
spens said,
April 13, 2009 @ 8:39 pm
sit*!
junling said,
April 13, 2009 @ 11:41 pm
love you, no matter where you go (:
fio said,
April 14, 2009 @ 12:20 am
Run, baby, run
Don’t ever look back
They’ll tear us apart if you give them the chance (give them the chance)
Don’t sell your heart
Don’t say we’re not meant to be
Run, baby, run
Forever we’ll be
You and me
im literally singing it out loud. for u.
fio said,
April 14, 2009 @ 12:22 am
okay that was random. (:
Mel said,
April 14, 2009 @ 12:26 am
What a superficial comment spencer made. I, on the other hand, am an intellectual literature student who will give insightful comments on your thought-provoking entry. (sorry la act chim a bit to win him can)
I do get what you mean abt difference in virtual and real life. Sometimes people try a bit too hard to appear intellectual (unlike me. mine=innate) and write supposedly deep entries but it’s all bullshit haha. And yes, nanhua is definitely the place where deep friendships were forged and all. Also the time period where I grew (though sadly, not vertically) and matured.
It’s natural to feel apprehensive about the next path in life but take it in good faith. Do know that there are people around you who will always be there with you and for you, with each step that you take. These will be the people who keep you grounded when you feel that this sudden change is overwhelming :)
(so how? win or not)
bel said,
April 14, 2009 @ 11:25 am
Spens: You officially suck cos LIT STUDENTS KICK ASS (YAY MEL!!!!) HAHAHAHAHA okay but the mantous with condensed milk got me! And wait, you can’t spell SIT? HAHA
Junling: (: <3 you too, wherever i am, whatever you do =D
Fio: CALL ME AND SING LA. sing on my blog like that how i hear?? LOL
Mel: Yeah you cheem shit, but made absolute sense (like all kope from my entry lah hor?) HAHA. Hope you’re happy with what you’re doing now and where you’re at (: Gotta go kbox soon, yes? eheheh
jiun said,
April 15, 2009 @ 8:56 pm
speaking from experience, it’s probably going to be the most difficult time, slowly counting down the time you have left with the people you love here, the inability to fall asleep because you know you’re leaving the next day, the random tears. but babe, things dont change as much as you think it might. a lot of effort & constant belieft that you will remain close to the people that are important to you, thats what you need to keep it going. I learnt that too :) sometimes when we leave people behind, they dont watch you walk away but catch up with you to hold your hand once again.
strength & that pillar of support.
you will be fine <3
Moo said,
April 19, 2009 @ 1:44 am
just dropped by your blog by chance and thought this was a nice read. i often write when i’m at work too… like right now acutally! LOL
:D and … it is just you to trust people so easily. but it’s a good nature and character to have … people need people who want to care.