Australia’s driving me nuts. Literally. Physically. Emotionally. I’m becoming a peanut, hazelnut, walnut, cashew nut, whatever, and I HATE nuts.
Keeping a distance from those who care and love me is taking a big toll and I’m starting to feel it. I’m starting to need to lean again and I don’t think I can quite take it if anyone decides to leave me stranded halfway. I’m straying back to old ways to get to sleep, and even then, my sleeping pattern is still screwed. Everyday I’m planning, thinking, plotting.. for my future, for my next year, for my return to Singapore or the lack of. I sometimes even wish I suffer from depression so I’ve a reason to force some tears out to relief some of the inner-whatever within me. I wish I even have tears left to squeeze out.
I wanna erase 2011. Im complaining, ranting, whining whatever. I deserve a right to cos I say so. I wanna take 2011, throw it over a cliff or on the ground, stomp and crumple it like trash and then maybe, burn it. Or eat it up. Or just recycle it. I wish 2011 has karma. I wish God had created my death date before 2011. I wish 2011 could kiss my ass and then just.. fuck off.
To those in 2011 who appeared and made my life hell, I hope 2012 will treat you better than what 2011 has to me. I want you to feel bad. I want you to smile, knowing while you do that, someone you left behind is crying, picking up all the pieces and cleaning your shit. I’m not going to wish upon you some deadly curse, I’m not even going to be that cruel. I just wish I could completely erase all of your existence so I can finally live my life, and no longer in anybody’s shadows, past or present or future alike.
Maybe I”m being melodramatic here. Maybe 2011 hasnt really been that bad. Maybe. Maybe maybe maybe..
Yeah, you’re right. Maybe 2011 was just screwing my head over. I’m very possibly.. nuts.
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